chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I see more hoeing in ur future
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