Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
