he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
