): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
