you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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