I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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