he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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