I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Randomize
