I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
