Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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