i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
