Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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