I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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