so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
