Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
