I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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