once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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