I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
