I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
