I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
