It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
