am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.