operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing