i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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