So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
