i just google imaged poop.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud