and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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