I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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