either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
