She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
