508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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