Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
