The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
