Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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