So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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