I can't watch pbs sober anymore
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
