Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
