I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
