You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
