I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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