life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
