I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
