Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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