I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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