my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
