she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
