someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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