i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
