Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
