Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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