Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize