so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sarcasm needs its own font
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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