sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
