I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
