dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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