how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
