her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All the doctor said was why
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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