meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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