I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
