Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize