you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I smell stomach acid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
