Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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