I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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