how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
