the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
