Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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