Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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