i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
