Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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