guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
