Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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