My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
