You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
